More Tips.

Let me continue.

3)If you continue to date you need to once again educate yourself on his work place. Calling and texting are not cool during what you could call business hours 9-5. We are working then, drilling, training, inspecting, and running calls.

Too much time on the phone could even lead your guy into some office time with his Lieutenant, so let him set the pace on this. If you text that you want to say Hi and he doesn’t get back to you in your timeframe tough, he’s at work, he could be on a call or at drill. Sending another message in five minutes or ten minutes or half an hour isn’t going to score you any points. Lunch time is when we get to actually eat lunch, it isn’t noon, same thing with dinner, we eat when we can, not by the clock.

If you want the work schedule of a businessman, date a businessman not a fireman. This brings up another good point, we work off a set calendar, most firefighters can tell you if given a few minutes if they will be working on Christmas day three years from now. Fact, we work holidays, weekends, anniversaries, birthdays, and overtime. We need some one that gets this, some one that understands that Christmas can be on December 24, 25, 26, it all depends on our shift. Also when I was single many times I would offer to work for one of my brothers that had a family since it really wasn't a big deal for me.

If your man not being able to get off for some special day is a problem for you, oh well, deal with it. We work shifts and we can give you your very own personal copy of a shift calendar to help you keep track of us, just ask.

There is another phenomenon with firefighters called trades. Trading for us is a really cool work privilege. Trades are the ability for us to get off of work by having another qualified firefighter come in and work for us. The department doesn’t care who is on the truck as long as the required number of personnel are.

So if a special need arises for us to get off work we can call one of our buddies on another shift and have them cover for us for a whole shift or a few hours.

The downside of trading is when it is time for payback your guy needs to go to work for his friend on a day he would normally have off. The point here is there is a great deal of flexibility in our work schedule but it has a downside sometimes we just can’t get out of work for your special occasion. We also use this as a way to escape your requests sometimes.

“Oh sorry baby I’d love to meet your book club buddies but I have to pay this trade back.”

4)Guys will have a different personality at the fire station, just understand it has nothing to do with you. It’s all about his social standing within his crew. If you in anyway detract from his maleness, his feeling of being a man among alpha males, you will suffer.

So if you sense he is a little standoffish when you come to visit, just be cool with it, don’t call attention to it. Don’t get your nose out of joint about it and don’t give him grief about it later either. Firefighting is a tough game and showing weakness around anyone over the age of six places doubt in the minds of others.

Showing up unexpectedly can be especially bad. You have no idea of what his crew is doing that day and if you show up when some particularly mundane work assignment is going on like mowing the lawn, or stripping and waxing floors is happening, your guy will be allowed to visit with you but he will pay a price.

Firefighters always honor the visits of friends and family of co-workers we welcome it and enjoy meeting the people that are important to our friends and because the firehouse is such a unique workplace it feels like a house, firefighters don’t have cubicles.

When you show up and he disengages from the work going on he is viewed as using you as a chance to get out of work. This happens because the chronically lazy firefighter does this in real life. When he discovers upon arriving at work that we are going to be stripping and waxing the apparatus floor for the day, this kind of fireman will slip out, call his wife or girlfriend and ask them to stop by the station. Then when you show up he uses that as an excuse to stop working.

No matter how tempting it feels to just pop by the station and say Hi, don’t do it. Also, and I have seen this one firsthand, your hero might be serial dating. It’s really uncomfortable for the crew to watch I guy introduce his girlfriends to each other.

5)Don’t chase, period. These are almost all alpha males, once again it’s why you want one in the first place. So chasing will have the opposite effect, he’ll start dodging you. Let him chase, it’s in his DNA.

Most of us are acquainted with females that want a pet fireman and we aren’t opposed to that fact for the most part. What we fear is the overly aggressive/possessive chick. The ones that claim ownership way too early in the process, and we notice you quickly and we run away even more quickly from you.

Experienced women should already know this tactic but you some of you seem to have an odd mental blank spot when it comes to us. The thrill of having your man in blue overrides your normal skill set and you become anxious. Take a breath and remember you are still dealing with a man, a high bread man a manly man, but at the same time an even more base male than usual.

Taking a bath in a high testosterone environment day in and day out causes these men to function at a level much closer to their primal ancestors then to the executives that control them. A whiff of perfume and the exposure of the correct amount and type of flesh is enough, to dilate their pupils and accelerate their heartbeat. Relax let them come to you.

More tips in the next post.

Tips for Dating a Fireman

Over my 31 years as a fireman (married or single) I had many women friends that wanted me to introduce them to a fireman, they wanted to date one, met one, give their fantasy a whirl.

There was no shortage of eligible firemen that I knew of and the ones I knew came in every shape and size, old and young, nice and not so nice. I introduced many friends and arranged many dates like the dreaded double date (when married) and wingman dates when single.

Some of these meetings were very successful and lead to long term relationships and even marriage, others not so much. So what did the failures have in common? Follow along and I will explain.

I must post a warning here before I begin. Know what you are getting into dating a fireman. These men (I’ll stick to male firefighters that’s what I know) come in many different forms.  but for the vast majority the job will be their first love.

Their boys, the men they hang with have a huge impact on their lives and you will at first be dating him and his boys. We do want each other to find happiness and find a woman. But that woman has to fit the group, nothing worse than a nightmare girlfriend to create havoc in the team, and if you piss off his friends he will be put in a position at some point of picking you or them, and if you do that it will end poorly.

DON’T and I repeat don’t expect to change these men, if you discover in the first few months of dating a firefighter that with your help and few minor adjustments you can turn him into your dream guy, let him go right then.

These men live in a world you cannot imagine, not just the “doing it” part of the job, but the whole thing, the life style of a firefighter, and remember that life is one of the things you find desirable, it’s why you want to date them to begin with. Leave it alone. If it is going to work out they will adjust on their own, but pushing early is a deal breaker.

1)Firefighters are used to stress at work unbelievable stress some days. So when you start dating one don’t add stress. Keep conversations light, avoid serious topics or overly intellectual subjects. I’m not saying we can’t have an intelligent conversation, we can. But during down time, when we are having fun we don’t want solve world hunger, we want to laugh and have some cocktails.

The easiest conversation is to have him talk about himself. Why is he a firefighter? What is the best part about the job? Has he ever been scared at a big call? Another warning don’t go deep here last thing you want to do trigger a memory of some horror he has seen. Get to know the man, he wants to be accepted as the man doing the job, not as a character in a movie.

2)Know that at some point you will be run by his crew, his buddies for a group evaluation. This can happen in two ways, the best thing you can hope for is an invitation to visit the station. You might even suggest it in a non-stalker way. Tell him you would love to see where he works, or ask if you might bring some cookies by the station.

If he jumps at the suggestion and offers a good time to do that you’re in. It will be after normal duty hours generally after the evening meal, when we have some down time. Understand the testosterone laden environment you will be entering, you will rightly or wrongly be evaluated on your attractiveness.

So don’t over dress, unless you and your girlfriends are hit the clubs for a Friday night and if you are bring your girls along. Nothing like making the night for a bunch of hardworking men by having some pretty women stop by the house, remember there could be more single guys there. But ask first, if he agrees, bring it on. If he is hesitant or unsure drop it and go by yourself.

The other introduction to his guys will be the meeting out on the town. We have our favorite watering holes and stomping grounds, once again be prepared for what is to come. For the most part firefighters are still gentlemen and will treat a lady with respect.

But we also need a woman that has some back bone that can give it back, this is not a good environment for wall flowers. You will be tested by his alternates, this will be a feeling out to see how you handle yourself, it also gives him a chance to step in and rescue you. If someone goes too far in the conversation he’ll stop it in a joking way. You passed that test.

And for goodness sakes don’t get drunk. Getting drunk will lead to merciless harassment for him the next time he is on duty. You will be ridiculed and he will be embarrassed. So have a good time but stay in control.

So I thought I could fit more tips into one post but as always I am long winded in an effort to be through. I see I will have to break these tips into a few posts, and please any of my married friends bare with me as I do this, I know you don’t want a firefighter, but maybe you have a friend that does, so share.