Tips for Dating a Fireman

Over my 31 years as a fireman (married or single) I had many women friends that wanted me to introduce them to a fireman, they wanted to date one, met one, give their fantasy a whirl.

There was no shortage of eligible firemen that I knew of and the ones I knew came in every shape and size, old and young, nice and not so nice. I introduced many friends and arranged many dates like the dreaded double date (when married) and wingman dates when single.

Some of these meetings were very successful and lead to long term relationships and even marriage, others not so much. So what did the failures have in common? Follow along and I will explain.

I must post a warning here before I begin. Know what you are getting into dating a fireman. These men (I’ll stick to male firefighters that’s what I know) come in many different forms.  but for the vast majority the job will be their first love.

Their boys, the men they hang with have a huge impact on their lives and you will at first be dating him and his boys. We do want each other to find happiness and find a woman. But that woman has to fit the group, nothing worse than a nightmare girlfriend to create havoc in the team, and if you piss off his friends he will be put in a position at some point of picking you or them, and if you do that it will end poorly.

DON’T and I repeat don’t expect to change these men, if you discover in the first few months of dating a firefighter that with your help and few minor adjustments you can turn him into your dream guy, let him go right then.

These men live in a world you cannot imagine, not just the “doing it” part of the job, but the whole thing, the life style of a firefighter, and remember that life is one of the things you find desirable, it’s why you want to date them to begin with. Leave it alone. If it is going to work out they will adjust on their own, but pushing early is a deal breaker.

1)Firefighters are used to stress at work unbelievable stress some days. So when you start dating one don’t add stress. Keep conversations light, avoid serious topics or overly intellectual subjects. I’m not saying we can’t have an intelligent conversation, we can. But during down time, when we are having fun we don’t want solve world hunger, we want to laugh and have some cocktails.

The easiest conversation is to have him talk about himself. Why is he a firefighter? What is the best part about the job? Has he ever been scared at a big call? Another warning don’t go deep here last thing you want to do trigger a memory of some horror he has seen. Get to know the man, he wants to be accepted as the man doing the job, not as a character in a movie.

2)Know that at some point you will be run by his crew, his buddies for a group evaluation. This can happen in two ways, the best thing you can hope for is an invitation to visit the station. You might even suggest it in a non-stalker way. Tell him you would love to see where he works, or ask if you might bring some cookies by the station.

If he jumps at the suggestion and offers a good time to do that you’re in. It will be after normal duty hours generally after the evening meal, when we have some down time. Understand the testosterone laden environment you will be entering, you will rightly or wrongly be evaluated on your attractiveness.

So don’t over dress, unless you and your girlfriends are hit the clubs for a Friday night and if you are bring your girls along. Nothing like making the night for a bunch of hardworking men by having some pretty women stop by the house, remember there could be more single guys there. But ask first, if he agrees, bring it on. If he is hesitant or unsure drop it and go by yourself.

The other introduction to his guys will be the meeting out on the town. We have our favorite watering holes and stomping grounds, once again be prepared for what is to come. For the most part firefighters are still gentlemen and will treat a lady with respect.

But we also need a woman that has some back bone that can give it back, this is not a good environment for wall flowers. You will be tested by his alternates, this will be a feeling out to see how you handle yourself, it also gives him a chance to step in and rescue you. If someone goes too far in the conversation he’ll stop it in a joking way. You passed that test.

And for goodness sakes don’t get drunk. Getting drunk will lead to merciless harassment for him the next time he is on duty. You will be ridiculed and he will be embarrassed. So have a good time but stay in control.

So I thought I could fit more tips into one post but as always I am long winded in an effort to be through. I see I will have to break these tips into a few posts, and please any of my married friends bare with me as I do this, I know you don’t want a firefighter, but maybe you have a friend that does, so share.